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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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But then, I get lost. Like, seriously lost. I’m wandering around, trying to find my way back to the port. I end up on some random street, and I’m like, “Where the heck am I?” But then I see this old guy sitting outside a café, sipping his coffee. He looks at me and says, “Lost, eh?” I’m like, “You have no idea!” He just chuckles and points me in the right direction.

Laurium turns to public